I want to start running again like soon, maybe tomorrow
morning. I need to do something to get fit and healthy. I have a bad knee at
the moment so I can’t run on hard ground like I used to. I discovered a
secluded beach about 1 km in length and I was thinking that that would be great
to start my training on again.
Soft sand = better conditions for my knee and I
will be able to take a dip in the ocean after I am finished.
I am super keen to do this, but I have to muster up the will
power to get up at 5:30 every morning to get started. I can do it, I
know I can make this happen. I just need to focus on what I am doing it for. Is
it for other people or entirely for myself? That line has become so blurred in
my life. I try and convince myself that other people do not influence how I
feel about myself but in all honesty they do. Realisation is the first step to correcting behaviour.
Such a short life we live and to waste energy on what I
think other people are thinking of me. What the fuck, why do I care why do I
let that affect how I react to situation. Everyone is always like, FUCK THE
PEOPLE I AM THE PEOPLE………………. So much easier to say than to practice.
I dont want to care anymore I want to be free from these shackles that bind and
manipulate my everyday life.
I have come a far way since I was a young boy, I have
overcome many obstacles in my short lifespan and I am still here and I am not
going to give up. So Fuck The People I Am The People. :D
I have it all right here I have myself and that is where my
home is. Not how much I have but who I am. My morals and my nature are me, I am
beautiful and I deserve to be loved. No material possession can determine where
my home is. I am my home and wherever I am my home will be – even if it is just
me.
Anyway, slightly derailed from the topic J I will start my runs
tomorrow I want to improve myself and exercise is the key - besides it takes my
mind off of things and I can cope better with my circumstances. I really need to get used to being alone now. I really need to sort out my mind
and focus on balance in my life. The first step is to let go of her, to let go
of the life we had together - she still lingers in my dreams and my heart , but
I need to let go I need to push her out of my mind by letting go of that last
page of the chapter that was us.
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