I had an urge to post something due to my lack of sleep and
sad state that I have found myself in this morning. I can’t handle the dreams any more they feel so
real. When I see her it feels like my reality. I wake up smelling
her sent and feeling her next to me - it is almost as if she has died, but I
know that’s not what happened I know that she is alive and well and that she
has moved on comfortably without me.
I really am
struggling to let go of her – what is it about her or what we had that I can’t
seem to forget or move on from – such unnecessary pain that I am holding onto,
such unnecessary hope L
. It has been four months but the memories are still oven fresh in my mind.
I need to focus on what I have and not on what I do not have. I have a
job, I have family that love me and I have friends.
I just don’t have her anymore and I don’t want to accept
that – I can’t believe that she is gone and out of my life – my rock my solid
and my best friend has left me to wither and die while she moves on to a new
man to be her knight.
I was that man a long
long time ago in memories far far away. I was the man she swore to love forever
and ever and the one she would hold tightly at night whispering that we were
going to be together forever. Soft kisses that I will never feel from her lips
again - all given to her new knight in shining armour.
Today I feel lost, alone and cold here in coffee bay a
paradise of solitude, my fortress, my pain all contained in a beach far far
away.
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