Interview Lined Up

Got an interview lined up for tomorrow with a PPC company. It's an online company that offers businesses the opportunity to advertise with them. I really really hope I get chosen as this is the career path I want for myself. I am into online marketing and the idea of making money online appeals to me.

Work Smarter Not Harder

The above phrase says it all. It is the truth. I have watched my Mother and Father work their whole lives, in fact it is all I have seen them do. They just work and work and work. Although they are successful they have missed out on so much in life including their children's childhoods. We never saw them - they were too busy trying to provide for us I guess. 

Anyway my point is that I want to work online - I want to work from home so that I can have time for the things that make me happy :) I dont want to look back on my life and regret not doing things that bring value into my being. 

Hold thumbs that I get this it's a training position so I will able to learn with the company and all these lessons I can integrate into my own affiliate efforts.

Back In Cape Town

So it has been a while since my last post, things have been hectic and I find myself back in Cape Town. The contract that was supposed to carry on for 10 months in Coffee Bay has been cancelled :( I miss it it there, I miss it a lot. Being back here has put me in a tough position again-work wise :/ I am looking for work, but with no luck so far.

On a lighter note I have met someone that brings a smile to my dile, her name is Sandre and we have been vibing for a little bit. I dont want something to serious - Time will tell but at the moment we are good together. Our birthdays are one day apart so we are the same star sign, not sure what that actually means hahahaha.

Dancefloor at jungala 2013 - MaD

Been to 3 Psytrance parties since I have been back and WABAM they were all great. Had loads of fun and snacked on copious amounts of magic mushrooms.

Was sooooo good being back at a party and seeing the people that matter in my life. Love it !

Sandre and I 

Kodak  Moment

Anyway I gotta get back to looking for work.

Running And The Will Power To Start It Up

I want to start running again like soon, maybe tomorrow morning. I need to do something to get fit and healthy. I have a bad knee at the moment so I can’t run on hard ground like I used to. I discovered a secluded beach about 1 km in length and I was thinking that that would be great to start my training on again. 

Soft sand = better conditions for my knee and I will be able to take a dip in the ocean after I am finished.

I am super keen to do this, but I have to muster up the will power to get up at 5:30 every morning to get started. I can do it, I know I can make this happen. I just need to focus on what I am doing it for. Is it for other people or entirely for myself? That line has become so blurred in my life. I try and convince myself that other people do not influence how I feel about myself but in all honesty they do. Realisation is the first step to correcting behaviour.

Such a short life we live and to waste energy on what I think other people are thinking of me. What the fuck, why do I care why do I let that affect how I react to situation. Everyone is always like, FUCK THE PEOPLE I AM THE PEOPLE………………. So much easier to say than to practice. 

I dont want to care anymore I want to be free from these shackles that bind and manipulate my everyday life.

I have come a far way since I was a young boy, I have overcome many obstacles in my short lifespan and I am still here and I am not going to give up. So Fuck The People I Am The People. :D

I have it all right here I have myself and that is where my home is. Not how much I have but who I am. My morals and my nature are me, I am beautiful and I deserve to be loved. No material possession can determine where my home is. I am my home and wherever I am my home will be – even if it is just me.

Anyway, slightly derailed from the topic J I will start my runs tomorrow I want to improve myself and exercise is the key - besides it takes my mind off of things and I can cope better with my circumstances. I really need to get used to being alone now. I really need to sort out my mind and focus on balance in my life. The first step is to let go of her, to let go of the life we had together - she still lingers in my dreams and my heart , but I need to let go I need to push her out of my mind by letting go of that last page of the chapter that was us.

Some Practice Poi For A Few New Friends

Jessica and Ria work at sugarloaf backpackers and they seem pretty keen to learn some poi so I decided to surprise them with a pair of practice poi that I built today because they don’t have any of their own. I was so excited to hand em over this morning. 

I love building things and helping people.

So I took it over to them and they seem to be enjoying it and that makes me happy. I taught them some moves that they can practice so long. It makes me happy to make other people happy – people pleaser much?  Yes, yes I am : /

Maybe sometime soon I can hand over the fire poi for them to try, but that will still take time..... Would be great to get them to that level though.

One Step Forward -Two Steps Back

I had an urge to post something due to my lack of sleep and sad state that I have found myself in this morning.  I can’t handle the dreams any more they feel so real. When I see her it feels like my reality. I wake up smelling her sent and feeling her next to me - it is almost as if she has died, but I know that’s not what happened I know that she is alive and well and that she has moved on comfortably without me.

I really am struggling to let go of her – what is it about her or what we had that I can’t seem to forget or move on from – such unnecessary pain that I am holding onto, such unnecessary hope L . It has been four months but the memories are still oven fresh in my mind.

I need to focus on what I have and not on what I do not have. I have a job, I have family that love me and I have friends.

I just don’t have her anymore and I don’t want to accept that – I can’t believe that she is gone and out of my life – my rock my solid and my best friend has left me to wither and die while she moves on to a new man to be her knight.

I was that man a long long time ago in memories far far away. I was the man she swore to love forever and ever and the one she would hold tightly at night whispering that we were going to be together forever. Soft kisses that I will never feel from her lips again - all given to her new knight in shining armour.

Today I feel lost, alone and cold here in coffee bay a paradise of solitude, my fortress, my pain all contained in a beach far far away.

Hole In The Wall – Chilling On The Wild Coast

I met a lady by the name of Jessica – not sure what her surname is?? She works at sugarloaf backpackersdoing bar right now and teaches the owners kids pre-primary school in the morning. I like her vibe she’s chilled and seems to be down to earth – someone I think I could become good friends with. She has been here for a little while now and wanted to do something on her off day so we decided to make a mission to hole in the wall (one of the main attractions here on the wild coast)

There were a few of us going on the trip I can’t recall everyone’s name right now but we were a good bunch of people that decided to go. Kappie (the guy that works with me ) drove us out there in the morning after we got some beers and chow for the day. The road up to hole in the wall was pretty epic, lots of heavy ditches and shit – I was sitting in the back and it felt like I was in a fucking washing machine, but we made it safely eventually J

After parking it was another 800 metre walk to the best spots on the shore for braaing and some shade. I took my camera with because I want to make a movie clip with some panning shots of the wall for the blog and you tube. I made a solo mission to capture some shots and clips of the view. I didn’t realize how long I had been gone for – I was enjoying the walk way too much to be concerned with time and completely immersed myself in the beauty of my surroundings. It was fantastic!

I got back to everyone else and they were already preparing something to eat for our group. I grabbed a beer, my book and found a shaded spot for a bit of reading whilst listening to the waves breaking through the hole in the wall. Sounded something like BA-BOOM SHSHSHSSSSHHHH. 

Epic

We all ate, enjoyed interesting conversation and relaxed for the whole day. It was good, really good and I felt connected out there, a good kind of connection like with the earth. After getting back to camp I was so tired man, I went to the bar had a whiskey and a smoke watched a movie with the guys and went straight to bed.

Mastering The Art Of Poi To Keep Me Sane

I have been playing around with my poi again since I have been single. It’s amazing how much of yourself you lose in another person. I used to play poi so much and I was starting to get paid work for it and then well, I don’t really know what happened. 

Relationships take up so much of your time that you easily forget to give back to yourself.  You forget what makes you happy.  So much of your energy is focused on your partner that you start to neglect yourself and your own needs.

I loved this picture it has such a perfect backdrop

Anyway I have been practicing my poi like a BAWS again here in coffee bay. Whenever I have some spare time I pick em up and head for a spinning session. I would like to become very good at it I want people to be amazed when they see me spinning fire for them. I want to let them see what an exciting art form it is and I would like them to see how much time I have put into it.

I want my fire poi to flow seamlessly through the air and around my body feeling the heat of the flames kissing my skin and singeing my hairs.

It excites me just typing about it J 

I can smell the paraffin and hear the whooshing sound it makes as it passes close by your ears. There is no feeling like it and I would never be able to describe it to anyone. Only actually playing with fire will you understand the awesomeness of it.

Poi keeps me sane when I am feeling down. I will focus that energy into poi and improving my talents as a poi dancer.

Experience all things with the enthusiasm of a child, as if you were seeing it for the first time. This is the zen mind always new, always aware, always that of a beginner